


Platonic

by Elvichar



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elvichar/pseuds/Elvichar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it - Cicero Originally written for the Stargate Anonymous community.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Platonic

They were on yet another planet with an interesting take on interplanetary relations and Rodney was concerned that his intentions were being misunderstood. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

Colonel Sheppard was charming all the natives - the way he was wont. It shouldn't be surprising and indeed it wasn't. Same old same old.

Rodney was getting used to it, it was the sort of thing he had come to expect. He was sure that if Teyla and Ronon had come on the mission they would have mitigated the situation, but for some reason the leader of the Arcadian people had requested an audience with just McKay and Sheppard. It was risky sending only two people to negotiate, but as the sensors had indicated there was likely to be ancient technology in the place, Weir reluctantly agreed to the proposal.

Sumptuous banquets were always a bit suspicious though. There was bound to be some sort of catch, and Rodney had decided early on that the two of them should stick close together in case of any trouble.

So now he was sat there, with a hot blonde on his left and Sheppard to his right. Sheppard was talking to a brown-haired woman who looked a lot like the blonde (except for the coloring). Maybe they were sisters.

He was just in the middle of a rather interesting muse on the real difference between a particle and a wave when he felt a nudge in his rib. He turned sharply towards Sheppard.

"I was just saying something to the young lady, maybe you should just let me continue, eh?" Rodney snorted.

Sheppard glanced over to the blonde, Rodney hadn't caught her name, and smiled. "Is McKay fascinating you with his stories about how he shot a bear in his underpants?"

He had had enough of this. The last few times, it seemed, the colonel had found a way to muscle in on his potential conquest, or embarrass him in front of them. Granted, he hadn't been all that interested in Norena and had not even noticed Allina until Sheppard had pointed out she might be up for something. And that had turned out so well, hadn't it?

He couldn't help it, he just snapped. "Would you stop interfering in my love life, Colonel? It's bad enough that nobody even looks at me when you're around - despite my far superior intelligence and all-round good looks."

"I was just trying to spare you, Rodney," Sheppard said mildly, sotto voce. Then, louder: "Ariam here was just telling me all about her very, very happy relationship with the lovely Maira." Sheppard smiled at Rodney's blonde companion.  
"Relationship?" Rodney looked at Sheppard quizzically. "As in sibling relationship?" He added hopefully.

"No. Not exactly."

Maira inclined her head and nodded. "It took many moons to find Ariam, but we were finally united two harvests ago."

"It seems the people of this planet take the soul mate thing very seriously, Rodney," Sheppard said. "They keep looking until they find their 'other half', isn't that fascinating?"

Rodney glanced around the table and suddenly noticed how many similar-, but different-, looking couples there were.

"We were honored to meet you," Ariam said. "Many people who arrive here to trade do not share our philosophies, but when Chancellor Fibes met you he realised that your people have much in common with us. We are pleased you have found your match in Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay."

"Us? No, no, you've got it all wrong," Rodney blustered, "It's just platonic." He turned to Sheppard, expecting confirmation.

Sheppard smiled slowly , "Have you actually read any Plato, Rodney? The Symposium maybe? More importantly - have you read the ..."

McKay interrupted him with an impatient wave of his hand. "Are you saying you have read Plato? Because I'm not impressed by that, you know."

"I wasn't trying to impress you, I was just saying." Sheppard raised one eyebrow at Rodney then reached out to get a grape-like fruit from a bowl on the table.

"And why aren't you shocked by this? You seem to be finding it all very amusing."

"Well, it's not unamusing, McKay. If these nice people misguidedly think that you and I are two halves of a whole, who am I to question them?"

"But it's ridiculous," Rodey folded his arms.

Sheppard shrugged. "Maybe."

"Tomorrow is the day of our joining," Maira said dreamily. "We would be delighted if you were both present."

"Joining?" Rodney's eyes opened wide as he considered the implications. "Isn't that a little private?" A threesome was all very well, but a foursome was a step too far, especially if it involved Colonel Sheppard. Not that he wasn't a very attractive man, if you liked that sort of dashing, brave type. It just wasn't appropriate.

"I think they mean a ceremony, McKay," Sheppard quirked his mouth. "You know, like a wedding."

"Oh. Oh, yes of course," Rodney realised that he wasn't quite as relieved as he probably should have been.

\-- -  
That night Rodney slept uneasily. He had been forced to share a room with Sheppard. Ordinarily he was fine with bunking up with his team mate, but after the misunderstanding it seemed somehow a little obscene.

Sheppard had very kindly agreed that Rodney should have the bed. As there was a rampantly luxurious couch in the room that was hardly a hardship for him.

Still, Rodney was unable to look Sheppard in the eye as he said goodnight. This turned out to be problematic, as Sheppard had decided the hot night warranted sleeping in the very-nearly-nude. Rodney found his eyes drawn to the Colonel's shorts, lingering an awful long time, distractedly.

"Nice people on this planet," Sheppard said cheerily as he pulled the light blanket over himself. "Get the lights would you, Rodney."

"I'm already in bed, " Rodney protested. "How come you didn't get them while you were up?"

"They're right by the bedside, McKay," Sheppard pointed out.

"Oh," was all Rodney could muster as a rejoinder. He pushed the covers back to reach for the lights, which although they were by the bedside were at the wrong side, grumbling slightly. "You could still have got them - it's a huge bed and they're probably just as near to you as they are to me. "

"Yeah, big enough for an army, McKay," Sheppard mumbled. "Just get the damn lights."

Rodney glanced over to Sheppard just before he pushed the switch. If he didn't know better he would have sworn Sheppard was looking at him wistfully. Not in the eye though.

"Don't know why with all the ancient technology they have on this planet they couldn't have adapted some of it for a light switch," Rodney grumbled before settling back into the bed.

Sleep came eventually, but not without a lot of maneuvring about in the ridiculously large bed. The temperature must be in the high nineties. The silky sheets were slippery too, and Rodney found himself cursing the mentality of a culture that would place luxury above practicality to such a degree.

"Keep it down Mckay," Sheppard said after about an hour. "Some of us are trying to sleep. And if you want to do so much tossing and turning can you do it in the bathroom?"

"I..." Rodney protested.

"It's not that I don't understand, it's always a little frustrating to be knocked down like that, and a man has needs - I ought to know- but save it for another time."

After that he tried very hard to be quiet and still. And soon he was asleep. If it had been dreamless that would have been great, but no. Images of hundreds of hot twins , all dancing together on a moonlit beach segued into a scenario where a naked Colonel Sheppard emerged from the sea on a conch, Venus-like. He had the slouch down pat. Lt Colonel Venus as a Boy was running his hand down his body and...

Rondey awoke, suddenly; he was sweating and his mouth was dry. Colonel Sheppard was already up and dressed and was now sitting haphazardly on the couch.

"About time you got up, Rodney. It's almost time to go."

"Go where?" He was still a little disoriented, especially now he had noticed the paintings on the walls, filled with nymphs frolicking (although frolicking was a polite term for whatever it was they were doing) and little putti readying themselves to shoot arrows into an unsuspecting victim of love. From this angle it looked as though the arrows were all pointing straight at Sheppard's head.

"Where do you think? We agreed to attend the joining ceremony for the lovely ladies from yesterday, remember? Hurry up so we can get there and then get back to Atlantis."

"I thought you wanted to be there, you seemed keen last night," Rodney clutched the sheet to himself as he got out of the bed. Just because Sheppard wasn't shy about his body, didn't mean that he had to flaunt himself too.

"Yeah, well, maybe I hadn't thought it through. I'll be waiting in the hallway. " Sheppard left, looking despondent.

Rondey washed and changed and was ready in less than a few minutes. Over the years he had managed to whittle away almost all of the unnecessary steps in his grooming procedure, but still, this morning was almost a record for him. He bounced out of the room to show Sheppard how skilled he was at getting ready quickly.

"What took you so long, McKay?" Sheppard asked, uncharacteristically tetchily.

"Long?" Rodney protested.

"Let's just get going."

\----

The room was decked with flowers and ribbons and all manner of frippery. As they entered the sensor in Rodney's back pocket began to vibrate, and he jumped at the shock of the sensation.

Sheppard held his hands up. "Don't look at me," he said to nobody in particular, his eyebrows raised.

"What is wrong with you this morning?" Rodney asked as he took the sensor out. "Hmm. According to the readings this room is packed with Ancient technology. Of course it doesn't look like any of it is doing much but helping to prop up the decorations."

Maira glided over to them both and grabbed Rodney's arm. "Doctor McKay, Colonel Sheppard, we are so happy you chose to join us."

"'Join us' as in be here, 'join us' as in perform the ceremony or 'join us' as in...?" Rodney cleared his throat. "Maira, can you tell us about this room at all?" He added, innocently.

Ariam came over and smiled. "It is the joining room, of course. The room where union becomes complete."

"Ah, so it's like a church then, sure. I suppose it's dedicated to the goddess Athar or some such nonsense."

"Athar? Oh no, not to Athar!" Ariam giggled.

"Yeah, funny joke, McKay, " Sheppard said sourly.

"It is to the god Janus," Maira added.

"Ah - the god of gates. How appropriate. Maybe he was an Ancient too, eh Sheppard?"

"Sure, whatever you say McKay."

"Ladies, can you excuse us for a moment?" Rodney clicked his heels and gave a polite little bow, then grabbed Sheppard's arm and dragged him to one side. "What's with you this morning? Did you sleep badly, Sheppard? Because in terms of irritability you are out me-ing me. Do you need a glucose tablet or something?"

"Let's just say I had some pretty hinky dreams. I was coming out of a shell at one point."

"Like a turtle?" McKay said hopefully.

"Not exactly like a turtle, no. I was all naked and all these cherubs and fauns were dancing about and doing stuff. "

"Wow. Maybe it was something in the wine. I had that dream, too!" Rodney said before he thought about it properly.

"You had a dream where you were Boticelli's Venus?" Sheppard sounded unconvinced.

"No - you were Bot... You know what, that's not important. We should just be diplomatic and have a lovely time at this delightfully quaint ceremony. "

"I was in your dream naked coming out of a shell, McKay?" Sheppard looked a little queasy.

"Oh all right. We had the same damn dream. What do you want me to do about it? There's no need to look quite so disgusted. I can't control my subconscious can I?"

There was a tinkling sound as someone rang a bell. Everyone else in the room started gathering around the edges so Rodney and Sheppard joined them.

Maira and Ariam were at the centre of the circular room, their hands clasped together.

The sensor started vibrating again as the centre of the room filled with light.

For a moment it surrounded the two women, bathing them in a rosy glow. Then it swirled around gently.

"This looks familiar," Sheppard said out of the corner of his mouth.

Seconds later their limbs entwined, the ends of their hair entangled then the two women seemed to merge into one - although at the same time they seemed entirely themselves and separate.

The light swirled more and the two bodies turned into one.

The crowd seemed to breath in unison.

"I didn't expect them to be quite that joined," McKay whispered.

The woman in the centre smiled serenely at the gathering, then the rosy light swirled around more densely, then seemed to enter the woman. She was lit from with for a second, then she disappeared, the light shooting upwards to the ceiling and then beyond.

"Did they just ascend?" Sheppard asked.

"It certainly looks that way - that or this is some remake of Logan's run and we've just witnessesed Renewal. They were probably about 30, weren't they?"

The crowd started talking again, laughing and smiling and generally acting like something disturbing hadn't just happened in their midst.

The Chancellor came towards Rodney and held his hand out. "Would you care to undergo the joining ceremony today, friends?"

"No thanks, I think I'll pass, " Sheppard said.

"Not that it doesn't look like a really worthwhile and not at all unusual thing to do," Rodney added. "Um, tell me, do many of your people do this?"

"Almost all. Although many spend a lifetime searching for their other. I myself never found that person. Perhaps she or he has spent their whole life searching for me. Athough I fear they might have been culled by the Wraith, or suffered some other misfortune that cut their life too short. Alas it happens all too frequently." The Chancellor seemed sanguine about it, but there was a definite lost look in his eye.

"But how do these people know they have found the right other?" Sheppard protested.

"It has happened, " the Chancellor admitted. "But the joining ceremony will not work unless one has found the right other half."

"Surely your people don't all choose to ascend like this though, Chancellor?" Rodney glanced at Sheppard. The earlier queasiness had clearly not passed. The Colonel looked almost green.

"There are some who choose to remain separate. There are some who join partially or completely and who never get to the stage of the great Becoming. Many of our people join while retaining themselves. They become one person with two faces. Those people tend to seek retreat. It is not shameful, but it is preferable to reach the stage of being you have just witnessed."

"Wait are you telling me you have people all merged together like siamese twins?"

"I am not familiar with the term, but yes, we have people who are two in one. "

Sheppard looked still more sick now.

He stumbled out of the room.

"Excuse me Chancellor, maybe I'd better see how he is," Rodney said.

The Chancellor nodded and smiled.

\---

Rodney finally caught up with Sheppard by the arboretum.

"Colonel, it's usually me who gets freaked out by these weird alien customs. Are you all right?"

"Sure. It was just all a bit much." Sheppard sat on a bench. Rodney sat down as well, though not too closely. "Did I tell you what happened with Chaya that time?"

"No," Rodney said tersely."And I'm not sure I care to know.

"Well, I'll tell you anyway. She shared with me. I told her it was cool, but to tell you the truth it scared me. I pulled away from her after a few seconds, got in the puddlejumper and flew back to Atlantis as fast as I could. It felt all wrong, and after seeing that ceremony I am beginning to wonder what would have happened if I hadn't broken away."

"You think Chaya wanted to 'join' with you?"

"It had crossed my mind."

"Hmm. "

"What do you mean 'hmm'."

"Well, maybe she couldn't have 'joined' with you anyway. Maybe she wasn't your 'other half'."

"Maybe I don't want another half. Not if it means I lose myself."

"Yes, I can see how that would be a problem. Funny though."

"What is?"

"Why those people thought we were joining material. It's not something I would have ever contemplated. I mean you and me - we are not that much alike are we."

"I think it's more about complementary people McKay."

"As opposed to complimentary, you mean? Because you're not about to get any compliments from me."

"Puns are the lowest form of wit, McKay."

"Not sarcasm?"

"That too." There was a lull as the both sat there, bookended on the bench. Sheppard sighed. "You know I think we would be good together."

"You do?" Rodney said surprised.

"Yeah, Just not like that," he gestured towards the 'church'.

"No, never like that, " Rodney shuddered. "I value my individuality a little too much to go down that road."

Sheppard nodded. "Of course we'd have to be careful. Separate rooms, separate lives. I've known plenty of service people who have managed - discreetly - but we'd have to..."

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by Rodney's mouth. Firmly, insistently joining with Sheppard's. And Sheppard yielded.

After a minute, or an hour, perhaps only a second they separated. Sheppard looked at Rodney, a grin forming suddenly.

"Yeah, it could work. "

"Let's just get off this planet first, though." Rodney said. "Cause I tell you - sex with myself is pretty damn great but if it's all I have for all eternity I may just kill myself."

Sheppard snorted. "Well let's hope it never comes to that. I'll try to make sure it doesn't."

"So we'll definitely... Back at Atlantis..." Rodney gestured eagerly.

"Oh yeah, Rodney, we definitely will." Sheppard said lasciviously.

Rodney thought about it for a second. "I could live with that."

The End


End file.
